According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, kids who learn about drugs from parents are significantly less likely to use drugsโand yet 20 percent of kids say theyโve never had that important conversation even once.ย That statistic illustrates one of the key challengesโand opportunitiesโfamilies have in keeping their children safe. Having โthe talkโ (or, even better, talks) isnโt that difficult. With drug and alcohol references all over popular cultureโin films, television, music and on the Internetโyou have plenty of conversational openings. Itโs not the opportunity, but the substance and style of your conversation that matters. Here are a few tips for getting started and making your best case in a way that your teenagers wonโt automatically reject.
Remain Calm
Yes, itโs an emotional topic, especially if you fear the worstโthat your child is already using. But donโt make the situation worse for yourself. Ever notice how your childโs volume tends to match your own? If you start yelling and sounding stressed, youโll put your teen on the defensive and he or she will give you as much negative energy as they receive.ย Remember: itโs a conversation, not a lecture. The tone should be rational, even-tempered, non-accusatory and informative. You should show love and support, not condemnation. If youโre not in the mood to keep anger at bayโor the talk has already gotten out of handโwalk away and save it for another day.
Use Every Dayย โTeachable Momentsโ
If you and your kids are watching the news together and you run across a report of a fatal car accident due to someone driving under the influence, thatโs a natural teachable movement. Another would be if youโre discussing the misfortunes of a friend of your childโs or yours plagued with drug involvement. Itโs times like these that make an impression. The ills of drugs or underage alcohol use are most apparent as such moments, and your child is more likely to respond positively, or at least not reject out of hand your good advice.
Say What You Mean to Say
Itโs natural to want to avoid confrontation, but that attitude might result in conversations so vague that your teen barely knows youโve addressed the topic. As mentioned earlier, keep calm and positive, but make sure you have a point and that your child understands it. And that point is, ultimately, that you donโt want your kids using drugs or alcohol. You can be firm without losing control. If it would be helpful, rehearse the conversation in your head before starting it. Be clear what the rules are, and what's going to happen if they break them.
Monitor Your Childโs Behaviors
โTrust, but verify,โ as the politicians say. Observe your childโs moods, activities and behavior. The teenage years are difficult for parents and child alike as hormones kick in, so donโt automatically assume that sullenness, secrecy, and withdrawal are signs of drug use. But emotional changes are of possible concern.
Be on the lookout for a new circle of friends. And donโt discount your suspicions of a particular friend, even if you have no evidence of bad activity. Your instincts mean a lot here.ย Call or text to stay in touch when your child is out of the house, and donโt be hesitant to verify stated plans. Is he really spending the night with a best friend? Call the friendโs parents to be sure.
Many parents consider โsnoopingโ to be a serious violation of the parent-child relationship. But if you have a serious suspicion that your child is doing drugs, they are the one whoโs violated the trust. You can feel perfectly justified inย searching their bedroom. Other places to look include the car your child uses, backpacks, coat and pants pockets, computers and their phone. You can also ask school authorities to search your childโs locker. Yes, your suspicions may cause ripples in your relationship, but there will come a day when your child will thank you if he or she is saved from drug addiction because of your firm, loving concern.
Open the Dialogue
Talking about drugs and alcohol with your growing kids isnโt always a comfortable conversation. But itโs critical. So open the dialogue, be firm but loving and unafraid of making waves. Your courage, strength, and tenacity can make the difference in keeping your kids safe from the multiple dangers of illicit drinking and drug use.
If you think your teen is already doing drugs, don't hesitate to contact Renaissance Ranch Ogden. We are an adolescent treatment and recovery center in Utah.
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